Will for President
I think I should have been selected to be Cuba’s New President. I’ve worked hard to be where I am today. I think it’s important to select someone who has never been to Cuba. How about a new face in Cuba? Think about it, a fat white guy as president of Cuba. Think about it.
Seriously though, the list below should be more then enough to convince anyone of my qualifications for President of Cuba.
- I know the difference between right and wrong and I know that two wrongs don’t make a right.
- I’m very experienced with Cuban culture since I really like Cuban sandwiches.
- I’ve smoked a Cuban cigar or two.
- I have seen former President Fidel Castro on TV once or twice. By the way, he speaks Cuban.
- I can find Cuba on a map, if I look for it.
- I can spell Cuba. Better yet, I can spell Cuba backwards.
- I can speak enough Spanish to order a beer and find the bathroom.
- I would be willing to help Elián González with his homework. We would be good friends. We would give each other high fives and shit.
- I will fart in the face of corruption and intolerance.
I’m obviously more then qualified. I can speak Spanish. I can smoke cigars. I like Cuban sandwiches. I can’t believe that I wasn’t even considered, bullshit.